US JOKES
Subject: Three Corporate Lessons
See if this relates to anyone you have worked for?
Lesson Number One
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small
rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing
all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So,
the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson Number Two
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the
turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?"
replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him
enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after
eating some more dung, he reached
the second branch.
Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson Number Three
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss.
The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control the whole body's responses
and functions." The feet said, " We should be Boss as we carry the
brain about and get him to where he wants to go.
"The hands said, " We should be the Boss because we do all the work
and earn all the money.
"And so it went on and on with the heart,the lungs and the eyes until
finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the
asshole being the Boss.
So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work. Within
a short time the yes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched,
the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually
they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed.
All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and
passed out the shit!
Moral of the story:
You don't need brains to be a Boss - any asshole will do.
It is said that those are "bumper stickers",
don't believe it, but some are funny ...
If men had periods, they'd brag about the size of their tampons
Hell yes I'm drunk! what do you think I am, a stunt driver?
Beauty is in the eye of the beerholder!
Take me drunk I'm home
You're not ugly, You are proof that God has a sense of humor.
My other car is a piece of crap too!
Of course I'm out of my mind, it's dark and scary in there!
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but you are abusing the privelege
Out of my mind. Be back in 15 minutes.
Your village called. They're missing their idiot.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic
Get real stoned: Drink wet cement
God made us Sisters but Prozak made us Friends
